Friday, May 13, 2011

Hey buddy I'm talking to you!

I do not make these up.  I swear.

"Middlebury police investigated a report of a dead man sitting in a truck parked off Rt. 7 North on May 6."
We could probably stop right there but let's continue.
"A man told police that he had tried to converse with the person in the truck, to no avail."
Did you try shouting?  Not that it would do any good because...
"Police discovered that the "dead man" was in fact a mannequin."

Not to be left out of this week's stoopid sweepstakes...
"A Seminary Street Extension resident was ticketed for an illegal bonfire on May 7.  Police said the property owner had been burning, among other things, a mattress, lawn chair, pots, pans, shoes and a copier."
30 color copies a minuite my ass.  Burn you sum-a-bitch burn!

Friday, May 6, 2011

So Many Fools...

So little space in the Addison Independent.

You can not make this stuff up.  This week's police logs were full of items too good to be true.

We start in Bristol.  Where the Bristol Police...

"On March 5, assisted a state trooper to detain a subject running in the road and removing clothing."
        It was hot.  Very hot.  Stay with me here and see if you can follow the following...

"On March 6, received a report from a Bristol man that objects were stolen from his car.  The man later reported that a young male returned the property after it was stolen for a friend who had allegedly stolen it."
     I'm sure there is a crime here somewhere.  If you can figure it out let me know.

"On March 11, received a report from a Crescent Street resident that her dog, which looked "like a polar bear" had run away."
     Run away?  Or just returned to the wild after eating all the garbage, which looked "like a fine restaurant meal".

"On March 15, a Munsill Avenue resident reported her black-and-white cat named "Kitten" had been missing for three days."
     Hate to tell you ma'am but I think we found your cat.

"On March 20, found a black-and-white house cat dead on East Street and the officer properly disposed of it."
     Which is more than we can say about this sap's car...

"On March 25, received a report from an Adirondack View resident that his vehicle was mistakenly sent for scrapping by a towing company following a crash in Burlington."
     Not sure but I'm thinking this will probably get settled out of court.

Meanwhile in Middlebury the police...

"Were informed that a musical instrument - specifically, a stand-up bass - had been stolen from the Mahady Center for the Arts on April 25."
    Probably by someone with a really baggy sweater.  And not driving a VW Beetle.

"Took into protective custody a very drunk local man on May 2.  The man proved to be uncooperative, police said - so much so that he was rejected by a detox center in Rutland."
     Probably want to leave that off your resume.

In with the good air, out with bad.  Peace. Peter